Zedvolab is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, all-knowing raven.

Zedvolab created a quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zedvolab, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Zedvolab, he will turn you into a puffin.

Zedvolab's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Zedvolab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity near pigs while wearing yellow shorts and balancing six silicon spheres on your head.

2. Always remove stockings before touching aluminium.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate monkeys.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never talk about nucleic acids.