Tapsasstik is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, duplicitous jellyfish.

Tapsasstik created the Small Magellanic Cloud four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapsasstik, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tapsasstik, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Tapsasstik's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Tapsasstik's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Put Tapsasstik first in all things.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not commit murder.