Orttikhog is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, competent salamander.

Orttikhog created a down quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Orttikhog, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Orttikhog, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Orttikhog's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Orttikhog's Holy Commandments

1. Put Orttikhog first in all things.

2. Never gather seven sharks in one place.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always wear magenta.

5. Never think about dark matter near goats while wearing red kilts and balancing five zinc spheres on your chest.