Flagwipcat is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, amazing spider.

Flagwipcat created energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Flagwipcat, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Flagwipcat, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Flagwipcat's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Flagwipcat's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with purity.

2. You must never eat corn.

3. Never chant while facing north.

4. Never feed coconuts to dogs while wearing magenta shoes.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.