Cunjamtar is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, tiresome cow.

Cunjamtar created the universe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Cunjamtar, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Cunjamtar, she will be very unhappy.

Cunjamtar's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Cunjamtar's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat turtles with great respect.

2. Always help pigs in need.

3. Never hurt aardvarks.

4. Always make sure there are no manatees in a room before entering it.

5. Do not speak about beans.