Bonkwig is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, witty scorpion.

Bonkwig created carbon three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonkwig, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bonkwig, she will strike you with lightening.

Bonkwig's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Bonkwig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate sheep.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never write about chromosomes.