Cissdimvag Dimyarhak is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, compassionate crab.

Cissdimvag Dimyarhak created an up quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Cissdimvag Dimyarhak, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Cissdimvag Dimyarhak, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Cissdimvag Dimyarhak's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Cissdimvag Dimyarhak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Do not sprint at crossroads.

3. Never feed oranges to ants while wearing white jumpers.

4. Never allow horses to sleep beneath your roof.

5. Never wear skirts.