Jatarmlad Quafhitzim is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, generous aardvark.

Jatarmlad Quafhitzim created the planet Earth two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatarmlad Quafhitzim, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jatarmlad Quafhitzim, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Jatarmlad Quafhitzim's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Jatarmlad Quafhitzim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not record signs concerning planets.

2. Never gather seven horses in one place.

3. Do not jump in public.

4. Never discuss bacteria in public assemblies.

5. Always look after injured squirrels.