Gatvanpig is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, merciless dragon.

Gatvanpig created dark energy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gatvanpig, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gatvanpig, she will cry a lot.

Gatvanpig's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Gatvanpig's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Gatvanpig loves eagles, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not step barefoot upon yellow earth.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.