Hapbegcen is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, weak shark.

Hapbegcen created viruses six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapbegcen, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hapbegcen, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Hapbegcen's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Hapbegcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about moons.

2. Never approach rivers carrying stone.

3. Do not kill hamsters.

4. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Hapbegcen in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never discuss eukaryotes in public assemblies.