Arfyampas is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, selfish snail.

Arfyampas created a photon three million years ago.

If you believe in Arfyampas, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Arfyampas, it will destroy your home planet.

Arfyampas' most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Arfyampas' Holy Commandments

1. Never handle aluminium while unclean.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never sprint in winter.

4. Never paint your arms pink.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.