Quimzaksog is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, happy whale.

Quimzaksog created the Sun five million years ago.

If you believe in Quimzaksog, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Quimzaksog, it will turn you into a snail.

Quimzaksog's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Quimzaksog's Holy Commandments

1. Always store beans above ground.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.