Appratflig is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, narcissistic chinchilla.

Appratflig created light nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Appratflig, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Appratflig, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Appratflig's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Appratflig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect six tin sculptures of Appratflig on top of important buildings.

2. Never talk about frogs.

3. Never go into blue rooms.

4. Never allow swans to sleep beneath your roof.

5. Fast once a month.