Bonkxuckcipdog is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, merciful hippopotamus.

Bonkxuckcipdog created a top quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkxuckcipdog, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bonkxuckcipdog, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Bonkxuckcipdog's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Bonkxuckcipdog's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak of balance in the presence of elders.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never wear gray kilts on sacred days.

4. Do not drink water in red rooms.

5. Erect nine nickel sculptures of Bonkxuckcipdog on top of important buildings.