Quamcudtif is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, pitiless goose.

Quamcudtif created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamcudtif, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quamcudtif, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Quamcudtif's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Quamcudtif's Holy Commandments

1. Quamcudtif loves dogs, so they must be respected.

2. Always help foxes in need.

3. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Quamcudtif in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always act with purity.

5. Never whisper while facing east.