Cemlimrut is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, deceitful dryad.

Cemlimrut created the world six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cemlimrut, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Cemlimrut, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Cemlimrut's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Cemlimrut's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed tomatoes to sharks while wearing dresses.

2. Do not drink water in black rooms.

3. Do not name children after swans.

4. Do not speak about oranges.

5. Never think about optics near porpoises while wearing turquoise shorts and balancing eight silicon spheres on your hands.