Bennarljap is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, ill-tempered spider.

Bennarljap created Mount Everest four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bennarljap, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bennarljap, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Bennarljap's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Bennarljap's Holy Commandments

1. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.

2. Do not dye your hair indigo.

3. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Bennarljap on top of all buildings.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never feed lots of carrots to goats while wearing white tights.