Gofontflam is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, smart raccoon.

Gofontflam created gold two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gofontflam, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Gofontflam, she will turn you into a worm.

Gofontflam's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Gofontflam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak of optics near sacred fires.

2. Never wear mauve scarves on sacred days.

3. Do not contemplate fluid mechanics during the night.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always take life seriously.