Quagcabfom is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, contented walrus.

Quagcabfom created time and space eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quagcabfom, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quagcabfom, he will destroy your favourite star.

Quagcabfom's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Quagcabfom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not name children after mites.

2. Feed all hungry birds.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never wear turquoise ear rings on sacred days.

5. Never look at planets.