Joptunbinmilyartquamfomfum is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, contented aardvark.

Joptunbinmilyartquamfomfum created the Milkyway seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Joptunbinmilyartquamfomfum, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Joptunbinmilyartquamfomfum, it will manifest in front of you.

Joptunbinmilyartquamfomfum's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Joptunbinmilyartquamfomfum's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching tin.

3. Never record numbers.

4. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.