Arnquatpan is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, happy bird.

Arnquatpan created the Cigar Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Arnquatpan, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Arnquatpan, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Arnquatpan's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Arnquatpan's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Arnquatpan in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not place peas upon stone.

3. Worship no other gods but Arnquatpan.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always maintain obedience during fasting days.