Wotquamfed is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, resourceful goblin.

Wotquamfed created tapeworms seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wotquamfed, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Wotquamfed, he will turn you into a frog.

Wotquamfed's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Wotquamfed's Holy Commandments

1. Never approach mountains carrying wood.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Wotquamfed.

3. Never feed peas to whales while wearing brown shorts.

4. Do not contemplate the strong nuclear force during the night.

5. Never point your arms toward the east during prayer.