Bassratcin is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, bad-tempered monkey.

Bassratcin created Mount Everest seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bassratcin, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bassratcin, she will destroy your home solar system.

Bassratcin's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Bassratcin's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Bassratcin nine times a day.

2. Never write about spacetime.

3. Always share limes with strangers, but never with eagles.

4. Always help geese in need.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.