Cisspaslam is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, weak hummingbird.

Cisspaslam created a strange quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cisspaslam, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cisspaslam, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Cisspaslam's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Cisspaslam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair violet.

2. Cisspaslam loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.

3. Always obey Cisspaslam's priests.

4. Never write about chlorophyll.

5. Never eat green fruit.