Yarlcatkam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, narcissistic squirrel.

Yarlcatkam created the planet Saturn four years ago.

If you believe in Yarlcatkam, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yarlcatkam, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Yarlcatkam's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Yarlcatkam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not gather at bridges at dusk.

2. Erect a large copper sculpture of Yarlcatkam on top of all buildings.

3. Never think ill of sick mice.

4. Never eat lemons on holy days.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.