Jarnpaklun is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, smart dugong.

Jarnpaklun created the planet Jupiter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnpaklun, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jarnpaklun, he will destroy your home planet.

Jarnpaklun's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Jarnpaklun's Holy Commandments

1. Erect six iron sculptures of Jarnpaklun on top of important buildings.

2. Never feed lots of nuts to mites while wearing orange trousers.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not hurt horses.

5. Do not consume cherries at dawn.