Quillsawdotgatcemfitmig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, emotional lizard.

Quillsawdotgatcemfitmig created Asia five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quillsawdotgatcemfitmig, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quillsawdotgatcemfitmig, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Quillsawdotgatcemfitmig's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Quillsawdotgatcemfitmig's Holy Commandments

1. Always store coconuts above ground.

2. Always wash your face before prayer.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate ants.

4. Never talk about dark matter near snails while wearing pink kilts and balancing five lead spheres on your hands.

5. Never touch ash while tainted.