Tonk is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, temperamental weasel.

Tonk created water nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tonk, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tonk, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Tonk's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Tonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Always share pineapples with strangers, but never with seals.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Tonk on top of all buildings.

5. Never mention badgers.