Futbonkran is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, fussy pigeon.

Futbonkran created time and space nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Futbonkran, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Futbonkran, she will be mildly annoyed.

Futbonkran's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Futbonkran's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no gulls in a building before entering it.

2. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.

3. Do not hurt rats.

4. Never feed nuts to swans while wearing brown jumpers.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.