Yarlvenpan is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, humane duck.

Yarlvenpan created humankind nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlvenpan, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Yarlvenpan, she will turn you into a mole.

Yarlvenpan's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Yarlvenpan's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not gather at towers at midday.

3. Always remove coats before touching silicon.

4. Yarlvenpan loves cats, so they must be respected.

5. Put Yarlvenpan first in all things.