Gesstapteenjon is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, impressive crow.

Gesstapteenjon created water nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gesstapteenjon, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gesstapteenjon, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Gesstapteenjon's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Gesstapteenjon's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always check lakes for frogs.

5. Do not take Gesstapteenjon's name in vain.