Metsagwoncit is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, uncaring lobster.

Metsagwoncit created the universe two million years ago.

If you believe in Metsagwoncit, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Metsagwoncit, she will strike you with lightening.

Metsagwoncit's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Metsagwoncit's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. You must never eat parsnips.

4. You must pray to Metsagwoncit three times a day.

5. Retreat if eight monkeys approach from the east.