Hapflowdag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, omnipotent wolf.

Hapflowdag created the Cigar Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapflowdag, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hapflowdag, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Hapflowdag's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Hapflowdag's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from mauve whales, for they are unholy.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never talk about galaxies.

4. Never allow hamsters to witness sacred rites.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.