Teennigbogsigvegpan is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, egotistical shark.

Teennigbogsigvegpan created the universe three billion years ago.

If you believe in Teennigbogsigvegpan, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Teennigbogsigvegpan, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Teennigbogsigvegpan's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Teennigbogsigvegpan's Holy Commandments

1. Pray only in shadows.

2. Never allow hamsters to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Put Teennigbogsigvegpan first in all things.

4. Never hurt whales.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.