Kaptonkfub is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, boastful wombat.

Kaptonkfub created the universe five billion years ago.

If you believe in Kaptonkfub, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Kaptonkfub, he will not care at all.

Kaptonkfub's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Kaptonkfub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not eat aubergines.

3. Do not contemplate optics during the night.

4. Never stain your feet with orange.

5. Do not step barefoot upon brown earth.