Tonkpakpark is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, strong beaver.

Tonkpakpark created the Sun five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkpakpark, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tonkpakpark, she will turn you into a plant.

Tonkpakpark's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Tonkpakpark's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in holy places.

2. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

3. Do not speak about parsnips.

4. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Always make sure there are no sheep in a room before entering it.