Barnlakzan is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, merciless gorilla.

Barnlakzan created the Black Eye Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnlakzan, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Barnlakzan, it will be very sad.

Barnlakzan's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Barnlakzan's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three bats approach from the west.

2. Do not leap in public.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not shave your feet.