Tofnig is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, tiresome turtle.

Tofnig created the solar system seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tofnig, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Tofnig, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Tofnig's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Tofnig's Holy Commandments

1. Never mix garlic with water.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always wear brown.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never wear fawn boots.