Cutyarlnur is a god.

She takes the form of a large, selfish salamander.

Cutyarlnur created an up quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cutyarlnur, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cutyarlnur, she will torture you forever.

Cutyarlnur's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Cutyarlnur's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear brown.

2. Never stain your hands with mauve.

3. Do not utter prayers while touching silicon.

4. Never discuss evolution by means of natural selection in public assemblies.

5. Run away if six ducks approach from the south.