Lagsisneg is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, unsympathetic meerkat.

Lagsisneg created Europe five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagsisneg, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Lagsisneg, she will turn you into a plant.

Lagsisneg's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Lagsisneg's Holy Commandments

1. Always help turtles.

2. Never sing in holy places.

3. Always store tomatoes above ground.

4. Never adorn your back with brown markings.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.