Jarnyarlmob is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, clever porpoise.

Jarnyarlmob created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarnyarlmob, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jarnyarlmob, he will turn you into a dog.

Jarnyarlmob's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Jarnyarlmob's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Jarnyarlmob's priests.

2. Never stain your neck with orange.

3. Never speak at midday.

4. Never write about nucleic acids.

5. Learn five new languages a year.