Nellmegnab is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unjust cow.

Nellmegnab created the Sun three million years ago.

If you believe in Nellmegnab, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Nellmegnab, she will make you grow a tail.

Nellmegnab's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Nellmegnab's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nellmegnab.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Never handle zinc while unclean.

4. Always treat gulls with great respect.

5. Always remove shirts before entering holy places.