Tonpanlat is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, uncaring alligator.

Tonpanlat created Asia four million years ago.

If you believe in Tonpanlat, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tonpanlat, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Tonpanlat's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Tonpanlat's Holy Commandments

1. Tonpanlat loves horses, so they must be honoured.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Erect a large copper sculpture of Tonpanlat on top of all buildings.

4. Tonpanlat loves tortoises, so they must be respected.

5. Always take life seriously.