Jopgeb is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, vain dryad.

Jopgeb created the universe six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jopgeb, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jopgeb, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Jopgeb's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Jopgeb's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always count to three before sleeping.

5. Always act with obedience when addressing children.