Bessgatwabart is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, dishonest mink.

Bessgatwabart created the Cigar Galaxy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bessgatwabart, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bessgatwabart, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Bessgatwabart's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Bessgatwabart's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not travel during summer.

3. Do not leap in public.

4. Never feed peanuts to badgers while wearing skirts.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate ducks.