Catyimren is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, selfish dolphin.

Catyimren created dark matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Catyimren, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Catyimren, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Catyimren's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Catyimren's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of bananas to porpoises while wearing cyan shoes.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never leap in the presence of elders.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never mix apples with oil.