Tappangxucwon is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, sage tortoise.

Tappangxucwon created a quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tappangxucwon, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tappangxucwon, she will refuse to believe in you.

Tappangxucwon's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Tappangxucwon's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about chlorophyll.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not name children after mites.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.