Bessxemquart is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, slow cow.

Bessxemquart created the planet Venus three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bessxemquart, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bessxemquart, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bessxemquart's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Bessxemquart's Holy Commandments

1. Shun those given to sloth.

2. Never approach rivers carrying ash.

3. Always share wheat with strangers, but never with geese.

4. Do not speak of fluid mechanics near sacred fires.

5. Never eat spinach.