Guthamvil is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, proud swallow.

Guthamvil created an up quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Guthamvil, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Guthamvil, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Guthamvil's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Guthamvil's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near monkeys while wearing magenta skirts and balancing three titanium spheres on your hands.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never speak at midnight.

5. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.