Ciphatkap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, narcissistic seal.

Ciphatkap created light five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ciphatkap, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Ciphatkap, he will come to you in dreams.

Ciphatkap's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Ciphatkap's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Ciphatkap six times a day.

2. Always remove shirts before entering holy places.

3. Never stain your face with yellow.

4. Never talk about special relativity.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.