Fonripsad is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, merciless gnu.

Fonripsad created everything that exists three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fonripsad, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fonripsad, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Fonripsad's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Fonripsad's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain shirts during rituals.

2. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Fonripsad on top of all buildings.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never think about ultrasonics near sheep while wearing violet boots and balancing five lead spheres on your arms.